Wind of change

Had a regular normal day, he's not here! he's in Marrakach enjoying his days with his freinds and i went to Saif next door to my office "super market" and shopped out all the chocolates in the world and saw this great top 50 Rock hits cd! and damn it made my day different with scorpio's song wind of change

i can never get enough from this hit it makes life has a meaning...

come back fast, Marrakach no good for you :)

Two Roses

Roses were always the sample people use to express beauty, love and innocence, I never loved roses in fact I hated roses I felt it’s useless. It dies in just two days without water and they give this hideous smell when it gets dry... However today the whole perception changed when I saw him standing with two roses on his hands... looking at me like it was only me in this world... at that moment I felt its me, him and the two roses ... the whole world just froze for a moment and the only thing came up was to jump holding him near holding him believing or actually choosing to believe that it was only me in this world that got this precious gift, that I was the only girl in the universe who was blessed on the "love" day ... everything didn’t make any sense at that moment... and it was a dream for at least an hour but then back again where I belonged... just another girl in the list :)
sometimes we don’t know what other people have for us and sometimes we wish to make them think the way we want them to think, and most probably because they don’t think the way we want them to think, that’s why we dream... that’s why we try ... that’s why we believe..
I choose to believe that am living a dream, I choose to believe that am the most loveable happy girl in the universe all though am the complete opposite... someone else in my condition would say why me? What did I do to get all this? But I believe in something greater... I believe that my day will come... I choose to see what I want and I choose to ignore what upsets me... I simple ignore life whenever I want too...
I knew a young lady who came in my dreams once and said "lets live the moment" and I knew at once that it was me...
I will not judge, I will not upset, I will not anger, I will not jealous and I will not cry...
Lights will always guide me home, I will always find a way to come back but I will be free... I will find my way and I will not fall...
I believe that I have strength and I choose to believe that I can do what anyone can do, but I do believe that I cannot remote anyone and I cannot control a human soul... we all have the rights to choose our paths and I choose mine, therefore you will choose yours and I will not guide you because you need to find your way back to my heart... lights will guide you home and I will still be here and try to fix you...

A letter to Michael Fitzpatrick

It feels just like yesterday when i met Michael Fitzpatrick, funny that a year have passed so fast and i am forced to say goodbye to a great character that affected my life positively and i am really sorry that i am forced under a harsh unfair reasons to be apart from a person who i have no other then respect and ultimate gratitude for all the lessons and experiences he had taught me and enriched my career with...
Michael was a role model, he was my role model. someone i would want to be like when i gain his experience one day, a character that made me change many prospectives about my life. A life time experience that i will never forget. I must say that this is all sound like a bad dream now knowing that he wont be here though I've spend a whole year spending half my day (10 Hrs minimum) working with him in the same office, observing how he deals with people, how he handle presser, how he talks and recording every single move to be a better person. A person that everyone respect and feel comfortable around. "Sounds like a stalker" lol but i am in shock i am in denial! how could this great experience end in one year, i at least expected to grieve and cry within at least 3 years from now or 5 where i say goodbye and have grown more. However at this time its still early, i didn't get enough learning from Michael i didn't get enough to be like him. He's just so perfect to be gone now. I respect you Michael Fitzpatrick and people may think that this worshiping may be too much but am a person who appreciate and i appreciate you been here in my life lifting up and building my career with me. I would never reach where i am today without you i would not learn and acknowledge what i know today without your help and continues support. It is a shame that the way you're gone happened in a cruel way and that people like me in my same nationality would have the low thinking they have today and at this time. all what i can say is that i am deeply sorry and i know that you will shine more and you will concur those people as you are more then who you are today...
i will truly miss you around the office, and i cant imagine going early in the morning not finding you in your desk giving me that morning smile and asking me about my day and making a funny comment about my fishes, i seriously cant imagine working there without you been part of my team... but as i promised you i will get over it and be strong and shine to beat the people who sabotage our image in the world...
You will shine and i will follow my dreams and be someone close to who you are...

I give you my word...

P.S:- i used Pink because you always make your comment about this color which is my favorite :-)

God Bless
your respectfully
K

Turn

You spend a life time thinking that this is what you want and this what will life be in 3 years and 8 months latter then today and you dream, pray, life and above all you believe...
then one day in a matter of seconds that whole life you drew with passion for your self takes another direction!

What went wrong? why did this turn took place? where am i going? i didn't plan for this for the past 3 years and 8 months and then out of a sudden you're there point 0 and you thought you were in point 3 years and 8 months but you're all the way back to 0 in an eye blink...

Did i make a mistake by believing that this is NOW what i want or did i make a mistake by dreaming too much and praying that i will get what i wanted then living it latterly and believing again that this day will come where i harvest my fruits??

you get many questions doubting your soul that maybe you did something wrong and that you need to revise your self back and do things right from point 0 again thus you worked really hard like A type of hard work yet you're here at point 0...

i will find the answers and once i understand why am in point 0 because at this point i see 5 different roads and I'm in the middle of no where thinking which road from these 5 roads should i take? which path is my destiny? and which path will take me straight to what i dreamt of?

I'm in a stage where i feel too scared to take any road and i just want to stay still in the middle of no where hanging by the wall pretending to be OK and bursting my self in laughter to hide this vague vision that i face...


the only thing that i know right now is that i wanna take a turn and give these 5 roads my back and run away back and try to understand what did i do wrong that i am here at point 0, what else should i do to keep the light here in my life...

cold eyes, a clot of anger and deep sad look is what i became yet i am wearing a mask of a bright smile that non can see nor can witness but i still keep my mask all the time...

STOP

I go through my life papers everyday, thinking, laughing, crying and sometimes just gazing at white empty papers remembering every single moment where I missed a moment that time. Where I wasted it on something that’s not here today. Many will say well that’s life, that’s how we experience things but I don’t feel that. I feel I want to go back and twist many things that I know I could have kept with me till this instant but I don’t have the power to STOP.

I don’t have the strength to go back, to think of each incident about life I feel intimidating that it can be worse then it was or even too good to loose it latter. funny that we can never be satisfied and funny that we can never be happy no matter how happy we were at the time been and previously then when its too late we relies it and tear about it.

if every person knew that he or she will loose someone for death they would definitely do allot for him or her before death take them away but we cannot predict things nor we can change things but we can do one thing, embrace what we have now and appreciate it because as many has said before live your life like you're dying tomorrow.

today I’m here and I wish I can yell to tell the world that I’m not here tomorrow neither do you my dear world because life is shorter then we may think it is. we all use the phrase life is short but we never implement the concept and I’m tired to act upon it alone where I love I sacrifice and the world don’t, but I’ve always believed that I feed my self happiness by been the way I am and I hope u wont have to shout STOP again.

I speak ghandi

Many times I sit alone and it will be the only time where I feel I’m been my self and I’m happy and relived, every night I celebrate alone on my bed sitting looking at the wall feeling oh this is the time where I feel so happy where I’m alone and no one is there but during the day I’m surrounded by the whole world. there isn’t a day where I spend it alone without having someone coming to say approaching me for a thing and people love to come to me just for a chat and I like that too but during that whole fuss I feel something is missing I feel alone...
I feel that I don’t celebrate my self enough like when I do when I’m alone and then suddenly everything makes sense. They always say that you need people to live and I cannot agree more but would it make you happy when you’re surrounded by people. Every Thursday I crave for the night to reach so I can go to bed and spend my night reading or watching a movie. It’s the time where I feel everything is connected to me and that life really means something more then just people and working and outings. Life means much more, there's a spiritual side that reached to me every Thursday night and I reach the ultimate balance between pleasure and religion. Something that I sensed many times when I knew love...
Love is the balance between the two basic things about this world, life and prayers. True love for everything, I fell in love with a book, I fell in love with a faze, I fell in love with my new gold fish. Sometimes loving stuff around us makes more sense then loving a person who might harm you eventually or even demolish this love you have. Pure love is always a balance; it’s always the middle option the compromise.
I feel sorry for people who didn’t discover such a reality during their life because life is not just about life is two sides where you reach to a balance that will make your life makes sense out of a sudden :)
Some of my scrabble makes no sense till the day a person finds that balance.

In that sky

Seconds, minutes, days and then years and life is running. Now when i look back it feels like decades since yesterday. and i still look at the same sky every day. The moon is still the same, the breeze is still the same, that old tree is still the same. But me! why do i still feel different while I'm still here in the same place. Same people, same sky, same sea, same tree and everything is the same but only time is different. Why do i feel that i need to be there. Somewhere else but not here. Its been a long time and I'm waiting and its been a long time I'm wondering why am I still here. I know that I'm not here, i know that i need and i must be somewhere else. Where is that place? why can't I find that place? i know the place but I don't have the courage to go there. That sky is waiting for me everyday and i know that I'm craving to see it too. Life, People, Family, Culture, Religion and everything is holding me right here and I'm not happy. I belong in that sky, and that sky is home.

Lost

A crowded place full of people. People we know and people we might never know and meet and then know. We might know a lot of people a lot of different personalities. We might be loved by all these people and be considered as best friend. Attending a party or a gathering and you mingle with everyone laughing out loud been a total different person from who you really are. Hiding someone behind this confident “I know what I’m doing” mask. But no one can recognize who we really are. Only I can know who I really am. Cracking jokes having everything in this life, a successful life, a great house, a beautiful face and a great spirit but still something is missing. We still depart to bed at night thinking was it really me? Is this who I am? And the bigger question, am I happy? Who can identify me among all faces? Who can know who I am just like I do? Why do we still feel lonely all though we have the world in our hands? Is everything not enough? Is enough is never enough to us? Is the sea is still not enough for our tears? Where and when we shall feel home? Where is home? Why do we still wonder till today?

Time

Tick Tuck,

Time is a mystery. Many ppl think that time is just time but I believe that time is one of the powerful things in this world. How do we think? We think a head!!! Doesn’t make sense I know! But what if we think backwards??? What will happen then?? Many things will change. Many decision made, facts, elements, activities and life as a whole will change. If we knew or even predicted every possible incident that could happen to us we would be living today in a flawless world. Where everything seems to be organized and everything is right. UN fortunately we do! We’re doers and that can be a good thing at a time but we need to spend more time on thinking. We need to see the outcome and from there take our mind to a backward journey experiencing how and why I reached where I reached today.
Sadly it happens all over again. We do and do and do and never think and then we still suffer. We could easily solve a problem without even having a problem but then ppl might say why I should spend my time worrying about something that might never happen and we shall learn from our mistakes, I say true and I can never argue on this cuz I believe it true too. But do we really learn from our mistakes?
Do we really think backwards when the problem happen again? Do we know the system of our lives? I say NO! We don't and we will never do, because we need to stop for a moment and think. Things can't be driven back to you every time and you still blame the world for your problems. You create your own destiny and only you can make it better...
Time can play a huge role in our lives.
Time can be precious now but we never know it till it’s too late. Precious this time now. And think of time now. Before it’s too late and no time is left for things to go back where it should be. I believe that time is somewhere looking at us tick tucking with life's heart beats until one day it will stop and life will end with it. Then what? They say it’s never too late. But time is sad somewhere waiting for us once and for all to think about him and how time can only help us about each tiny thing about our lives. Start preciousing your time before its too late...

I will hurt you now

a decision is been made.
i locked this key forever.
as much as you might hate me for making this decision
but i love you that much to hurt you now for you to be happy forever.
i know it doesn't make sense. but one day it will.
i will hurt you now to let you live to let you love for latter.
i will hurt you now to give you the ultimate infinity.
i signed a death note
my name was next to the death signature option.
i will hurt you now because i know i will save you
i will kill you now because my love is forever
not for today, not for tomorrow its forever
i 've decided
you will live to continue living
you will feel pain to continue happiness
you will feel bitter to continue relief
i will hurt you now to hold you away forever
i will hurt you now just for a moment
to have forever without "hurt"
to love till never, to live till ever
i will hurt you now and i will fade away
i lift you up in that rock
and i saw you from the bottom of the sea
having a smile up my face
a happy overwhelmed feeling
you live and i will die
am sorry
i will never hurt you
but i will hurt you now.

The Dark Knight

3 years ago i went to the same theatre plaza to watch a movie called batman begins. I've expected a lame cheap copy cat movie about batman's classics. yet this movie 3 years ago has left a deep impact on me. i weird connection. some might think its stupid. yet i believe that if batman existed i would do anything just to see him and tell him thank you. Cuz because of you i am a stronger person today. i had a situation back then and the movie made me decide how to get over that situation and it helped me a lot for the past 3 years. ironically the same situation happened to me in this stage of my life and again batman "the dark knight" had this power to take me out of that situation by guiding me on what should i do next. it may seem stupid but batman has and will always be my favorite superhero. he doesn't have spidy powers like spider man or has great power from another planet like krypton or whatever it is. he has a power to believe in good. and by using his mind he reached where he is today. he's like another robin hood but more modern and developed.

the movie was smashing, magnificent. i would love to go and see it again.

the soundtrack, the scene effects everything was just breath taken. 100/10 that's how i rate this movie. not to mention the great christian bale whom i must say deserve an Oscar for this role. and the amazing heath ledger as the joker had played a genius role. yet i feel so awful that he past away recently for an over drugged dose.

best movie for 2008.

a bumb in the head

everything seem to be so cold, freezing me to death at this moment. yet its so hot outside "the weather" everything seems to burn. but am still cold, shaking, shivering! no i'm not sick! i thought that too at first but its not a physical problem. Its more then that! the funny feeling where everything feels fuzzy and buzzing around me is getting stronger by the minute. everything seems to be slow! am i dreaming or what??
i wanna go out in the sun to feel warm, but someone told me no use! stay where you are and slap your self. i touch my cheeks "its burning" but why am i cold!
i walked around searching for answeres but even the answeres i get are so cold! i need something warm. i need to feel heat again. i need to be alive. you've got fever! someone yelled from far away as i can hear'em but apparently he's just infornt of me!! i said no its impossible! What a day!! a blink of an eye where water was just flushing in my hair, body. very cold i must say! i just relised that i bumbed my head and fell in the shower!

hurt

Long time i haven't wrote anything in here, but its about time i reveal things that i couldn't share with anyone but my blog...
Sometimes it takes us ages to relise that all our life is a lie, that for years i've living a dream and i just woke up... what upsets me more is that someone woke me up, i didn't wake up my own. things, facts, elements were waving from far far away telling me to wake up but i continued sleeping and i had the feeling where between each breath that moment of no air are the times i raised on top of happiness. but now i breath air, am very much feeling each breath i take with each air enters my blood cycle. but the fact i feel am dead is something i can't understnad. its a moment where i died and i'm lost and can't find that light. where i shall go to rest till my time comes. where is that light? everything seems so un real in reality. i see things i never saw or didn't want to see. hurt is how i feel.

Truth: The truth about truth

Since we were kids we were raised not to lie! We were told that lying will cause problems and lying has a short rope that will reveal in the end and thats totally true! but what about the truth.. Truth can harm and hurt more then lying in my opeinion. Truth can cause more damage then a lie. the truth about truth that truth is not always the right decesion we choose.

Its been a while

Wow its been a while since i posted anything over here and i kinda miss this place :)
well well whats new in my life, nothing seriously interesting other then having a normal calm life. work has a big part of my daily activities and mostly enjoying the rest of the day away from something called work! its like having two personalities, so active at work moving talking doing and than calm funny lazy social. This life can be really irritating at the same time its joyable somehow. Part of me is seeking for a change but the other part is scared of changes. its weird that i know how conflected i am though i still conflect my self in things! I wonder if its a weekness.
Any how welcome back my blog :)

April fool

Well i've celebrated april fool my own way and its earlier two days as well lol, i just lied to my boss to go watch the movie 300 lol, its a beautiful day worthed for such a lie, so yeah within couple of minutes i'm out of here to my world of insanity and hey quote of they day i heard was wow it described me! it says; i want to be by my self but i dont want to be alone!
great day :P

Well i saw Bob Green for the first in the Opra show and damn that guy is amazing with his diet health plans, many women had strugeled thier whole life with this issue and with his spisrital organized way he managed to create some really good result with hopeless cases... And the way he approaches his believes is so inspiring to many over weighted people who has been abbanded from the socity life because of such thing. Well i went through his website and i checked his books, its amazing how it is truelly the best life he's talking about that we all need. So healthy and organised, if you can take control of your weight than definitly you can take control of everything!

Many people can be slim but trust me they dont have a single clue what is a healthy life! but been in the right track in your weight can always provide you with a healthy decent life full of peaceful moment!!! Find the control in your weight and you'll control your whole life ;) love ya bob green

My new baby

This is my new baby now days got it as well as a gift... i fell in love with it since first days and al thought it doesn't have that high technology everone is seeking for but i just love the simple phone and shape of my new baby...

God live moto ;)

Rod Stewart and his big hits..

Well i had a long long day at worn and the only thing that make my day go so smooth was Rod Stewart and his song what a wonderful world, it just relaxed me and made me be peaceful somehow and a lil sad for many many reasons lol i rather not discuss them in a puplic BLOG lol!
Oh Rod Stewart you made my day and yeah i think its a wonderful world full of surprises ;)

Long time

Wow its been ages since i wrote in my certain spot, i miss this place where i can revieal everything directory to my fans LOL just kidding, well i miss my special corner here... And guess who's back... ME! ;)