2020!

2020, the year of wonders! It has been a roller coster and things had been up and down and with this pandemic blocking us at home it made me think of my blog! it has been forever since 2017!! 

this year was a funny year with roller coster of events. last of which had left me in wonder is this it? are we doing to end now and what should be next? it has been hard on all of us but how we portray these feelings are differing from one person to the other. sometimes the closest people to you are the ones that disappoints the most. 

I ve had been in the same situation few years back where I was left helpless not knowing how to act and for some that knows me will know that I am a planner and I don't like not knowing what to do in situations and specially a trauma. 

can cheating be a big word that I will be brave enough to use? or would I look the other side as I always do? have I grown enough that the other side is not an option anymore? should I seek help? 

so many questions that I can't answer write now because my head is so blurry and I don't take decisions based on the fact of a sleepless night and an aching heart. 

do I deserve this while being carrying a baby for 9 months? did I do something wrong? again I ant answer all these questions that keeps slumping my head. 

the shocking truth has different corners but the ones truth that ached my heart the most was the laying and cheating part. I don't care a bitcoin on trashy talks with trash whores but the part that a conversation has in depth feelings and longing for lust was just devastating and had got me wonder what's my role in this whole drama? 

2020, thank you I blame you for everything so far and I don't know how further will you surprise me. its just not pleasant and I am for once out of control since a very long time!!