Weirdly, i am for the first time struggeling from inside, wanting so bad to do what i know am suppose to do and what i would normally do, but it always results for a quick good result and then back again to the same scenario! this time it has been 3 weeks and i am holding my self... shuold i react, should i make a step, should i commit my decision??
too many questions in my head! i know everything around me, i know whats going on and i know why am i like this and i know how can i get rid of it and move on! my only struggle is that it involvs family! i dont want to do the same thing that happened before again! it just going to be disapointing to my family but not me of course! i've already prepared my recovery plan!
wow, i spend my days preparing my recovery plan to anything around me which make me think why is the world always disapointing me! is it me? am i the problem? i dont think this way!
its that conflicting now, can i go back to numbing the way i feel? its just there are too much emotions that even numbing has no space anymore for my feelings!
everything is just too sesitive now! and i am losing the believe! the believe in me! that am a good better person who was born a fighter! strongly to say NO strong enough to make things black and white! strong enough to know when enough is enough!
everything feels meaningless, tasteless.. i cant feel food, work, family, friends nor anything!
is there anyone watching over me? it feels like this world has left me to go insane!
where is my guardian angel where are all my virtual friends? where is everyone?
how can i be back from this black hole that i ve sank in?
it feels like i am in a battle! a battle with my self
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