There is always something missing somewhere! There is always that sad, pessimistic moment at the peak of happiness! am i scared to be happy? am i refusing to be happy? am i a person that believes in realism or liberalism? do i want to be free or realistic? it has reached to a level where i fear happiness because it crushes me bad when it reverts to be a cold solid slap in the face to wake me up from my dreams land.
Do i dare to live there again?
my head is twisted with so many doubts. even in the moment of happiness i find my self left out wondering will it last? it got me worried all time thinking will it last to the extend that i cant be happy without worrying. i am left dreaming within reality. convincing my self that this all a big dream and i will wake up one day either by my clock alarm or by a slap or by a hidden force that will wake me up from my fantasy. these dreams that i persuade has only destroyed who i am, has only made me a person that i don't recognise. the instability in my feelings has created a flat line that feelings refused to fluctuate between sadness and happiness. this flat line has kept away from being happy or sad. no emotions at all its like i am actually in the land of dreams... where the sky is red and the sea is pink... you see if pink and red but you simply cant believe its true....
Do i dare to live there again?
my head is twisted with so many doubts. even in the moment of happiness i find my self left out wondering will it last? it got me worried all time thinking will it last to the extend that i cant be happy without worrying. i am left dreaming within reality. convincing my self that this all a big dream and i will wake up one day either by my clock alarm or by a slap or by a hidden force that will wake me up from my fantasy. these dreams that i persuade has only destroyed who i am, has only made me a person that i don't recognise. the instability in my feelings has created a flat line that feelings refused to fluctuate between sadness and happiness. this flat line has kept away from being happy or sad. no emotions at all its like i am actually in the land of dreams... where the sky is red and the sea is pink... you see if pink and red but you simply cant believe its true....
1 comment:
I saw your picture in the newspaper and i think you are pretty.
its bold statement, i know.
Keep up blogging.
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