when you know you just know...

sadly there are things you try to ignore and just simply avoid to know, yet that erg and that need to know makes you dig to know... and when you come to know everything just change! thoughts, questions, negativity and positivity are fighting against each other on how to handle it! but they are both equal and yet negativity wins as we human cant find an explanation other then facts that has been placed across our sight. what to believe and what to think, simply change forever once you get to know.
this fight within always take a negative turn and eventually as i always has been i tend to know and just know without saying a word of what i know and its there within in a hidden place where it kills every peace of me where i end up been where i am now...
a simple song, a simple sentence, a simple kiss... when you know it was special just between us.... but you fight hard that feeling that maybe its not just us. and when you come to know that even a simple word like (lucky) is shared... and you just know ...
you know that the feeling you had when you heard lucky is not reality.
you know that the words when you heard lucky is not true
you know that things that came within after lucky is not just between you and me...
the things you know today are not the things you knew yesterday...
when you know before knowing that things will change you simple don't want to know...
but eventually you have to know
knowing takes a lot of strength ...
but is it true that after 10 years i would really know...
so it was told to me once by a psychiatrist...
sadly i know... and i know it all...

i need a virtual friend

yes its one of those days! in the rush of things i just freeze and everything just stops moving slowly!
where is my focus? where is my determination?

a chunk of people around me but non can act as that one and only who can understand or just know what i go through... so many thoughts are buried inside because there isn't that person. My Person...

why do i feel lonely while i am surrounded with the world.. why does it feel that i am walking alone in a long path that has nothing but dead trees and the voice of the wind lifting up some dead leaves.. its so cold that even looking at it makes me feel lonely without been actually one.

how did i reach here today? why did i reach here today? it was always that virtual friend that was my person... in the rush of this world surrounding me i lost the sense of you been near me... i lost my virtual person who always supported me in such times and understood me from one look at the mirror...

i need you my virtual friend

in the struggle to fight this feeling

during harsh times we hope, we pray that things change to be better.... we simply just dream and wish hard it does but if we don't believe if we don't focus then things just get crazy and shattered...

lately Ive been out of my game! not focused at all! thinking and concentrting about things that i know for a fact are not important!

what do i need now? i really need to be the person i know! the person who dont care about any of this superfacial things and just focus on my own happiness and just focus on how to reach my goals!

those goals which arent clear lately! but i know i will get there! i decided to and i will!

step 1: get rid of that ghost of failure in your head
step2: through those people who demotivates you in the trash
step 3: focus
step 4: focus
step 5: focus again and again

it really have to end here and now and i just need to prepare a plan and organize things right! i am no quitter! i am not a person that fails!

i fall to get up stronger! i reach the bottom to look up and seek the light of success!

the light to reach high and higher where i was last time! i see things around me that makes me upset i feel things that i know i can get rid of! i just have to believe as i believed before as i did before

i will not let this makes me go down! this will be my chance to shine and this is going to be my year! i refuse been defeated, i refuse this feeling of been taken for granted!

i will fight you and i will WIN!!