sometimes........
i run away and don't write it and just choose to forget whatever the matter is, however i adored the idea of holding on to a personal journal every day and start with dear diary and just let it lye there with whatever feeling i had on that day, yet the thought of having my best friend (my diaries) is not an option any more since it was exposed a year ago... i live where no one can understand what is a book and a pen to one human being and thats who i am, someone who treasure that journal like a best friend, which leaves me my dear blog yet i am sorry dear blog no one can take my best friend away from my heart because he had kept me high when ever i needed him and he was always there for me whenever i needed him and at anytime. i miss my dear diary and i wish that one day we will re joint again and am sure that day will be soon... as for the time been i will have a you dear blog and talk to you like in this night...
I just realised that i am a 24 year old girl who is still exploring many things about life and up until this night everything i do and the way i think was not who i am for quite a while, and for that i feel this epic feeling where i need to be here more and talk to you my dear diary more then anyone because anyone dont exist and never have existed... me who i thought i am and was is not me, its someone i feel i was pretending to be. i trust i talk i do i dont think, thats not me and thats not who i should be or shall be.
i am having an out of body experience where i feel things in my life are like flashes of things i kept on doing over for years and now i am left with no one not because i was forced too, NO, its because i choose to be and for the first time i feel i've made the right decision because i believe strongly that there would be a day where someone would read and feel these words dear blog and finally someone can see through me, i believe that strongly and i am sure of it.
another day is passing and still i am here the same person 4 years ago, i cant remember who i was before or maybe i choose to deny who i was before i just wish that i can have dont things differently or at least realised this feeling i have now before now.
i see things differently now, i feel i have the need to change who i am and start to be more cautious and more careful then the wild life i had before. not because of someone or something its the way i started to see things in life.
i miss you dear diary and i miss the feeling where i hold you and i just bust in tears talking to you and you just listen and always was there for me no matter what.
i miss you dear diary and i hope you are fine no matter where you are and i hope i will find you soon...
i am scared alone without you and reality is tough now that i am finally witnessing it without you...
come back soon
